Searching for Answers

I look at my Life,
and I’m still wondering what works.
There is so much hurt,
Why does it keep getting worse?
I see everyone around me moving forward,
yet I feel like I am at a stand still.
I can’t seem to move, just lose.
Heart broken more times then I can count.
I got nobody that I can really trust in,
I got nobody that I can look too.
I guess this is what I deserve,
Its what I get for being faithful.
Everything makes me feel so angry.
It’s like I am waiting for someone to save me,
yet everyone is already gone,
because nobody ever sticks around long.
I just want to feel love,
I want to see it so badly,
but I’m walking around here blind.
I never feel like I know where I am going.
I am just tired of living in this world alone.
I am not sure what I need to believe,
but this way of living isn’t it.
This sad lonely life isn’t what’s going to revitalize my heart,
or my passion,
I wish knew what was happening,
I wish I had some answers!
I wish I had someone to look into there eyes,
I wish I could share with them my pieced together heart,
Show them the scars from it being ripped apart.
I want to believe in second chances.
I want what I once had even if I have to sacrifice everything I am.
I just want to be happy.
I am so tired of sifting through all these bad situations I find myself in,
why can’t I just erase them?
Why do I keep building things up just to watch them collapse in front of me?
Can I have some relief?
Can I just have someone that will love me for me?
Or will I always be someone giving his all,
But still left with nobody at all.

SORE

I keep my mind on the bad things,
so I’ll collapse in fear,
losing my faith,
everything feels like a waste.
I am always putting myself down,
but I am lifting myself up.
Crashed, everything has fallen,
and I am just on repeat.
won’t you let me forget all the bullshit,
and let me concentrate on drinking?
I’ve been fighting this sickness,
I’ve poured myself out in these poems.
But the tears you’ve created keep coming.
Here I am pushing through the pain.
I’ve been living with my mistakes,
Still begging for an escape,
Working through the scars,
I feel like dying, but I am still alive,
Living inside of a nightmare,
With no one that cares.
I am so damn tired,
and so damn sore!

HOPE

Still walking towards this storm,
it never seems to go away,
and praying that I could just make it home.
I pray that I no longer have to be alone.
It’s inevitable for me too experience this hurt,
It continues to move in my direction.
I tried so hard to shake the weight off my shoulders,
with apologies, and forgiveness,
but it just delayed the feeling of giving up.
But I had to keep my head up,
even when the rain pours down from above,
I can never stop pushing forward,
because there will always be rainy days,
but enduring them for the sunny days,
is something truly amazing,
and its worth it in the end.

Wayward Son

I was born with this,
it is like I am running from a disease.
Deep inside my soul lives darkness without control.
Drunkin Disorderly,
Living like a fugitive, I crave freedom.
Crying over wasted time,
Wishing for his approval.
Instead all I got was a broken home.
All I got was this never-ending pain within my mind,
this paralyzing feeling of being abandoned by him.
I forgive my Father for all he has done.
I Love my Father no matter the pain I’ve felt.
I will never pick up a drink as long as I live,
I pray that I can escape this craving of thirst,
and One day become a better son.